What I know for sure.
If you drink Pedialyte you’ll become more childlike (and therefore better at improv) and it also can heal hampsters.
On Gift Wrapping
You know those people who don’t use enough tape, so you can still see the present through the paper?
That’s my Mom.
I made up a game.
It’s called Try to Come up With Pieces of Clothing That are Also First Names.
Here’s what I’ve got:
Ty (deduct 1/2 point for not spelling it the real way)
Total: 2.5 points
Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Books, toothbrush, drown, raisin pie, leotards, cockadoodledoo, Napoleon, word pizza, blue, plaster of paris, twins, JK Rowling, recycling program, prohibition, motor yacht, hat box, Pier 1 Imports, gravy, bones, Victor/Victoria, bathroom, stapler, birth, crash, prom, senate, ceramic flowers, iodine.
That’s what it feels like, asshole.
Today I woke up at 12:47 and thought, Carpe Diem.